American Idol Finalists as Kitchen Appliances: In alphabetical order

I'm David A Egg Poacher. I will poach your eggs perfectly, but you will have to add all the flavor afterwards, otherwise it's a bland, bland experience. Apparently, David A thinks we can't tell he is being insincerely humble. He's got a nice voice for a CHOIR BOY. What could he possibly bring to the art of music that would be believable? Unless he wears tights, I guess.

I'm David C Cornbread Pan. I will bake your cornbread batter until it's golden, but this is NOT gourmet cookin', hon! I'm not sure, but I think it's the HAIR or maybe how uncomfortable he seems onstage or maybe how he never MOVES, like maybe if he did he'd break something. He's a very old man.

These guys and this show are SO LAME!! Have you seen them jiggle and jitter on the stage? How many left feet does each of them have? I doubt either one of them could get through a subway turnstile in one piece. The only good thing about AI is that it will soon be over! I have never seen anything so UGLY as Fantasia screaming-for-singing incomprehensibly. Baaaad show, baaaaaad show. Please PLEASE stop doing this to us!

I go watch Goma now. xxoo P